Dear Journal,
   So I'm at the DMV. I've been here for about half an hour n it's onlie 10:55 a.m. Ughh the line is so fukn long. Ughhhhhhhhhh... Well this is gonna suk. Oka bak to my crappy life story...
   So I've stopped talkn to my ex n we're dnt txt or kall each other animore. I still talk to this friend of ours n he always brings up my ex n me. He refers my ex as 'ur man' whenever we chat. It's stupid n jus...well stupid is a good word to for it. Aniways, I've tried to let go of my ex n it seemed to be working out alrite for the past week or so but then life happened. (excuse me for my language throughout my blogs) Every fukn thing throughout my day reminds me of him. Txtn or talkn on the phone reminds me of him. Mentioning Sunnyside high skool reminds me of him bc his gurlfriend is a frosh there. Fuk life!!! Red cars, bastketball, fishing, even walking around outside reminds me of him. It totally suks kuz we spent so much time with each other n we have so many memories...good n bad.
   There's this one time that I'll nvr forget. It was when we were still talkn to each other before all this **** happened. It was a normal Friday afternoon. We were txtn as usual n out of no where, my dad had a semi heart attack n his dad got crushed beneath a car. Same day n in less than half an hour of each other. Coincidence huh? It was so wierd kuz it seems like life gives us signs that we should be together but we always seem to drift apart. Sometimes I think that we are fated to be together but then again, maybe life is jus playing a cruel trick on my heart. It gives me something jus to have it taken away again. 
   I remember reading in someone elses blog that life takes something important n special frm u n in return, it gives u something better n more precious. Well if that's the truth then where's my better n more precious person? How is my outcome gonna be like? Will I ever met someone that I connect with in the same way that he n I connected?...*sigh*  
   He txts me sometimes n I ignore him. I tell myself that it's easier this way; to let go n nvr turn bak. But why is it so hard...
   I wanna jus let go n move on with my life but I dnt knoe how... If everything reminds me of him then I needa get away frm all of this. Imma be going off to college next fall n maybe that'll help me out somewat. I'll be far away frm hme but the bad part is is that it's close to where he lives. I didn't think about this until our guy friend said that I would be living closer to him n we could hangout everyday. (my guy friend n ex both live in the same town n to go the same college) <<-stupid I knoe...
   I onlie picked this skool bc it was far away frm hme n I wanted to experience life on my own (different story...I'll write a blog on this...). Well I'm going to Chico State n I'm hella siked. I knoe that this blog is reallie random but eh...I dnt care. =D  
   Well it's now march n I decided to write my thoughts about the past few months on HP. I haven't written a blog about myself or my suky life in so long. Maybe writing my feelings in here n getting advice frm my second family aka HPers, can help me finally move on. We'll see wat happens.
   Hmm....I'm so in love with him n I dnt knoe wat keeps bring me bak to him.  It's nt bc of his looks, even though he is a hottie. I dnt date guys for their looks, it's jus nt my thing. I think its mostly his personality n then our memories of staying up late at nite n joking around or kalling each other mean names when we get mad at one another. Lols we made nick names for each other. Mines is dumbo n his is dummie butt. Then there's also Tsab Mee n Mai Mee (n there's also another part of the name but it's inappropriate so I left that part out...lols). N then there's our names for each other when we're mad at one another or jus wanna be mean. His is asshole n mines is fagget. I knoe I knoe...it's wierd n hella confusing but we have this love-hate relationship.
   How should I put this...umm I'll jus say it straight out. I want him bak but I knoe I shouldn't be thinking this way. I have to let go n stop thinking about him. No matter wat happens, I knoe that we're better off nt being with each other bc...well...it hasn't wrked out with us before so I dnt expect it to wrk out in the future.       
   *sigh*....wat should I do? How do I get over him? Where should I start? Who can I talk to to get my mind off of him? When will my heart stop hurting?....