I've had many deep thoughts into death. And I find that they usually start because of alienation, because I've lost touch with my place in the world. I get mad at myself during these times, because I see just how selfish I am. Some people in this world don't have the privilege of choice, and here I am throwing away all of them. It's true we all die... and for some it might be seen as appealing of the thought that they "chose" to die...but my argument to them is why not choose how to live your life?

Nobody is perfect, and regardless of how you might feel at times, people who really care for you certainly do not expect you to be perfect. The true sign of being intellectual is learning from our mistakes. Nobody can tell you how to live your life. It is always a choice we have to make individually and alone live with the consequences.

It can be very painful forgiving ourselves when we are aware of all the bad things we've done. But I tell you, it is no way to appreciate the blessing of being alive, by not enjoying it. It takes great courage to live life by starting new each day, because it means we will always have to work hard to find reasons to smile and to have an open heart. Again, nobody is perfect. And I don't mean to come off sounding righteous, because I am no less sinful and conflicted by the consciousness of the expectations of society, and the expectations we have of ourselves.

I guess what I really am trying to say is that I could understand your reasoning for anything you choose to do, and so could others who are compassionate. But in the end of the day, regardless of what you share or don't share, the feelings, emotions, pain, judgment, is yours alone to evaluate in your life.

The first and hardest step in change is believing it can happen. Don't be afraid of failure, because never trying is failing before you even begin. This might be harsh, but I hope it gives you a realistic application to whatever you want in this one life-time.

-Da