There was a barbecue party at my brother’s lake house and a lot of people showed up. I met a lot of people I didn’t know and heard a lot of stories I didn’t want to listen too. Then I met a old guy in his mid 50’s and we begun to talk about a lot of things. He told me about his wife who had died carrying his unborn child. We talked about how hard it is to say goodbye. The excuses we make to people and to ourselves so that we may avoid certain things. For the longest time he suffered and decided to live alone and he admit that he regretted not finding someone else earlier. Then I asked him why and he simply said that no one is meant to be alone to take on the burden that doesn’t belong to one person. He told me about the women he is going to married and that it’s never to late to move on. I guess I kind of saw myself in him. When you get hit with this situation you turn into one of many people. You go on suffering then regret not moving on, you go insane, you suffer then try to move on only when it’s too late, or you go on suffering knowing full well what you’re doing to yourself and you can live with that. I went down to the docks and thought about what he had said and my sister-in-law came down and hugged me for the longest time. My weakness are the women in my lives that knows me too well that even the fake impressions I make they can see right through. I begun writing a letter and this is what I’ve got

...this is not goodbye, but a thank you. Thank you for coming into my life and bring me joy. Thank you for loving me and for receiving my love in return. And thank you for showing me that one day I’ll eventually be able to let you go. No, I won’t ever forget and the memories we made will be forever cherished by me, but I can and will be able to move on. It may not be today, or tomorrow, nor after years of pain and sorrow, but one day when I’m readying to let go I’ll remember what you’ve taught me and know that you’re the reason I can take a step forward whiling looking back without regret.

So after I wrote this letter in more details I burned it knowing she’ll get the message, I thought about taking a trip to her grave but I decided against it. When I’m ready to let go I’ll go see her one last time and make it final. I couldn’t sleep so I called up Bree at the crack of dawn and we had an interesting conversation. One I think we were trying to avoid this whole time. I’ve never tried a long distance relationship before because I always knew they never ended well, but I’m willing to try and make it work. I suspect most of my weekends will be spent in New York from now on and we’ll see where that take me.