[i]"Here we are, afraid of losing what we have all the time, holding on to it so tight that not one can touch it. We think by hiding it from the world, it's hidden and it's ours. Nothing is. Nothing ever will be. For, nothing ever was. If you think there is anything that you have, that's yours, be it money, a house, a job, or a girlfriend/boyfriend... it's nothing but an illusion. It'll all disappear... in one blow. Here we are, so insecure that we are afraid of re-starting our lives, so we just carry on trying to sort out the current mess.

When we are in love it feels like it will be forever. We put all our trust in the person we are in love with and we share our darkest secrets. When we feel that our beloved has not lived up to our expectations we are left feeling angry and bitter. The feelings of betrayal that ex-lovers feel are some of the strongest feelings of hatred and anger that are expressed in the world.

This year 2010 hasn’t been good for most of us and I would not lie but it hit me very good. I told myself to run away from everything and drink my life away. I’d stopped the tears and run far up high so no one can catch me. As the day continue, I’m mindless and let it run by itself. Still, drinking and partying the only way I see of life. I’d tried to get where I wanted, still, I remain the same.

Honestly, I had such a hard time trying to find the blog section. Plus, I forgot my password too. I hope to get use to this thing again...

It's been a while since I've blogged so I've came back to do my final blog. I've came in couple of time and many things have changed but that's how HP works like anyways. But yes, if you haven't heard the news between CL and I then I will let you in it. I'm not sure if he's reading this but I do want him to know that it was great knowing him while it lasted. Well he stopped texting me for a while now. I asked him why and I still don't understand it but if he want it this way then I won't stop him. It's the same for Mr.Smiley.

I pulled an all night thing and it was nice chatting with someone of folks again. Johnny was supposed to be the one who stay up with me but he disappeared with a call from "His Family" til 5 in the morning?? Lols. But it's fine. I had Luke and Pologuy chatting even though Pologuy was being a little biatch about things.

Well it's really early and I can't fall back sleep. Somehow I've been thinking of what I've been hearing a lot lately. I've heard that I'm very annoying and I'm very immature. Well, like everyone say "you're not in my footstep, you wouldn't know".

I returned home last night because my relative are over from MI. I had to come and help with the up coming party over the weekend. (Sucks to be a girl) I just finish cooking and I recieve a call. It was my sister. I thought she was calling for my brother in law but she called to tell me that my 3 weeks old baby niece is being rush to the "E" room. So tomorrow I will have to return to Boston and see my baby niece. My sister told me that Shyliah's unable to breathe properly. That's all I know.

Finally back in bed. It feel good!Somehow today I feel like writing something. Just whatever’s in my mind I guess…. Oh before I start, I want to tell my wifey something. Wifey, I was on chat earlier today and I asked M16 where were you and you know what he replied? He said you died. LOL! You can kill him whenever you read this. He should be digging his grave right now. LMAO!

Well,I was wondering if anyone know what’s wrong. Here’s my story.

ARGH! Fuccken idiot. I dislike men who have no patient. I said “next time” and he said that “you’ve always said next time”. Wth! Men! PATIENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you got no patient then that’s your own fault. Don’t get mad at me for your own inpatient. Makes me so mad because now he’s mad at me all because I wouldn’t go on cam for him. Dude, like seriously. Just because of that you’re going to be mad at me and crap. You know what take this. *Sticking out middle finger* BITCcHASS MOFO! Don’t come back apologizing because I’m so done with your shiit.

You got the special one. Well, here's one for you my love.

Cl, tus hlub, I must say bye to you now. The moment we spent are priceless. (Moment of texting on the phone and on msn talking/chatting). Here's something I want to share with you...

On June 7th, 2010 at 12 pm in the afternoon we all said our farewell. The 4 of us split and went on our own. We was sisters, best friends, best cousins, and lovers. I was always the wild one between the 4 of us and I was always the one who was bad at saying sorry. Kaoyee was the one who always listen and getting things done. Pana was always the one who always have family problem and always running to us in tears. MC was the one who has “BOY” problem.

Dang, it's been that long already? Somehow, I return while he was in there. We didn't chat or even a hi but I see him on there whenever I return. Yes last time he left then 5 min later I came in. I thought I would never get to see him again. Still til now he's a mysterious person to me. Usually whenever he sees me on he would always say hi to me but somehow the feeling had changed. It's weird now. I think he have a girlfriend now. I can't even remember when was the last time we spoke. All I can remember was him telling me to guess who he was. Then suddenly he disappear.

There comes a time in a long-distance relationship that I like to call "the FINALLY moment" Alot of times, it happens at the airport, sometimes it comes as a surprise at your front door, other times, a serendipitous place scheduled by destiny. This "Finally Moment" is a reward for those who wait patiently & faithfully, who love unselfishly. One second in this moment is worth more than thousand moments elsewhere. I hope your "Finally Moment" will be worth the wait. =)

Being away from my family makes me missed them more than ever. I still have a while to go til I can move back in with my family. I'm actually starting to count days and hours now. =( Anyways, I'm logged onto my phone so I'm not used to this. Well I'll be back soon. Bye folks. I miss you all.

Today is the day of your 2 month disappearance. Gosh, time does fly. I’m still here thinking and missing you while there, you’re doing fine without me. I hate myself for being such an idiot. To let you in so easy and unable to let go so hardly. We both lives in two different world yet still, I want to live in your world. No matter what I tell myself, I can’t get rid of you. The pain hurts like sugar that’s put in cold water and no matter how much you stir, it will never melt away. I’d tried many times to avoid the memories of you, yet, I’m here thinking of you.

Alright, it's been like a whole week now without talking to you. You would always called me before you go work, when you're on break, and when you get out of work. But this one day, after you sent me that picture. You called and told me you'll call me later when you was going to work. Instead, I just continuously waited for your call. I looked at the time and realized that you was at work already. Wondering to myself why you didn't call me. So I was nice enough to think that you was probably running late.

CL AND I ARE GETTING MARRY!!!!

I miss you all!

Do you miss me?

Tell me please

Okay?

How are you sir? What have you been doing? Did you realize that it's close to 2 month already? Yes time does flies by very fast. I've realize you wrote 2 blogs on Myspace and I'm assuming you're still alive? Lols. Anyways, how's school going for you? Stilling drinking with your friends? I bet you still are. How's your dad doing? I hope he's still good. How's the little ones? Still annoying you? It's okay they are kids. That's what makes them so special. Always remember that you was once that annoying. How's the dog you got last time we spoke? I hope you didn't give it away. Lols.

Before I start on my topic, I would like to say something. I've have decided to take my leave due to someone. I thought I was fine with it but somehow it got carried away with it. So, that's why I haven't come to the chat room and Tinychat. Well, let's return to my topic..

Okay so I haven't got a call from my SOS for about a good 24 hours now. I was waiting for his call but he never called. So it's morning and I would always do my morning call. I called, no one answer. The whole day, he didn't even pick up my call. I spent my day with my mother and sisters. It was fun but he was running in my mind all day. I'm wondering why he haven't even called me. CL is on a little vacation so I can't chat with him but just text him. He's takes too long to reply to me too.

To my beautiful mother Pai Yang,
How are you, Mother? How's your health, Mother? Have you eaten, Mother? Do you know I miss you, Mother? Do you know I love you, Mother? Do you know how much I want to say "I LOVE YOU MOMMY", Mother? Do you know that you're going to be 42 this year, Mother? Oh mother mother, do you know that loving you hurts so much because I can't give you anything special beside this little gift. Mother, I'm writing this to tell you how much I love you. So here I go mother...

I'm laying on my bed and was chatting with CL while my SOS went out to hang out to hang out with his cousin. So I put my phone aside me with the name "CINDY" showing. My baby brother Jerry came in to pinch my face and saw my phone light up. My baby brother grabbed my phone and yelled "Hi Robbert". I looked at him quickly and said "You little itch, what the heck are you doing?". Jerry put the phone down and kept on yelling "Robbert". He asked me "Why isn't Robbert answering me?" "Where did Robbert go?". Then he yelled "WHERE'S ROBBERT?" BLAH BLAH of him.

You're at work so I'm going to blog of you. Okay Boo? LMFAO!