Just decided to make a little thread where people can randomly make their confessions. Doesn't have to be about this one person having a crush on another person, no. Anything in general is fine.
I'll go first then. :bigsmile:
Hrmm. Where to start? I wanna make a confession to this one person. He's all in the past, but thinking about what I did to him, damns. I'm a total jerk. I'll have to admit, I did look down upon him. For some reason, simply because a person isn't doing so well in school, I'll immediately label them as idiots. They're slow. You can lie your way through and they won't realize a thing. As much as I would hate to admit, that was what was going through my mind when I hung out with him. I was ashamed to tell others about him and tried so hard to not acknowledge him within my family's presence. Used him as my entertainment. Used him as a temporary back pillar. Toyed with his feelings when I knew I had no interest in sticking with him for long.
Even though I wanted to hang out with him so much, whenever I was with him, I would think Why am I with this foo? I can do so much better. Karen, just clench your teeth and get these 3 days over with. He's going back to his place soon enough and you won't ever have to deal with him anymore. Conceited, selfish thoughts. Those times that he wanted to get close, it wasn't because I was shy that I pushed him away. I didn't want others to see that we had anything to do with each other. Ignore him. Avoid eye contact. Just turn your back on him, he'll one day realize your message. Apparently, my expectations were too high and he wasn't a mind reader, so he never got my message.
Thinking back to that day, I don't regret doing what I did or what I had said. If time was turned back to that day, I'd still do the same thing. As harsh as those words had seemed, they were as honest as truth can get. I knew I didn't have to put it in such a cruel way, but I was afraid. Afraid of giving him hopes and hurting him again. I wanted to end it. And quickly at that. Cut off all contacts with him. Erased him from my thoughts and erased him from my life.
With him, the feelings fade quickly, or perhaps they had already faded even before I had realized it. But chances make me wonder, if only I weren't so mean that day, if only you weren't so blinded by your feelings, if only I had been patient enough, would we still have stayed friends? But then again, since things did turn out the way they did, I'm thankful we did cut off all ties. I can't help but feel disgusted by his actions. Every time I stumble across him, my heart would writhe of guilt. Haven't I hurt you enough? Why are you still chasing after me? Why are you making yourself stoop so low? So low to the point that you're seeking help from my family to convince me to be with you? Makes me sad to think that I've terribly ruined an innocent boy's pride.